SirCannabisClock's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

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2009-09-06 23:19:01

ok I got a few things if you want me to say

The major, most distracting, issue in my opinion is the narration. While I find the voice narrating monotonous; its multiplied by the excessive on and off detail of the story. It seems theres either too much, or too little at times, and simply not enough substantial info that I need to know to understand the movie. What let me down even more was how the movie ended when the narration ended. Where's the action in that? Alright, let me break this down the best way a 4000 character limit can allow me to do.

"Olympus, ciry of gods, of paradise.. What a joke. There's nothing godly about this city. This place is no paradise, it is a prison. (Steel and stone?)"-I think that's what you said " Blocking all that live inside it in a perpetual state of violent self destruction." Then you slide show a guy in a hoodie, a prostitute
, some guy sitting on a step, and what appears to be a man shot down by cops for some reason.

But why? Why are they so miserable? Albeit you get into that later on, but the beginning is supposed to be the hook, to grab my attention. I, the viewer, won't care if they're suffering if its for no reason other than because you tell me they are. Even more importantly, if you give me details I don't care about it will simply bore me and provoke a bad judgment.
This is how I would of done that part:

"Olympus, city of gods, of paradise.. (haha.. ha) What a joke. City of the gods and paradise? I'd call it the city of irony. It's cold steel and stone trap all inside like a great labyrinth, driving those not affected by Gene 47 into a perpetual state of self induced madness..." ~Show the Guy sitting on the step, however, he is deranged looking, cradling a gun in his hands~, "Self pity..." ~Show the clip of the man in the hoodie, only he is pale, slumped over on the seat, and passed out from what appears to be habitual drug use~ "Self indulgence, and survival.. by any means necessary." ~Show the prostitute standing on the corner, however, there is a grimy looking man who is a potential customer She appears ashamed, looking down at the ground with an expresion that reads self loathing.~ *Main character looks out the window of the train into the rain* "Not everyone makes in in this world.." ~Show the man shot by the cops, however he is holding a gun, or a stolen item, or even better, he is one of the gene 47 people.~ The main character looks down to the ground. "If this is the city of the gods, then the gods weep." ~Camera zooms out, rain continues to fall, then it fades into the title screen: "Gene 47 Episode 2"

Well? I'll admit I simply pulled that out of my ass, but I'm fairly certain it looks much better than the clip I copypasted right out of your movie, no? I do need to stress that you put some enthusiasm into your narrating. If. I. Wrote. My. Review. Like. This. You. Would. Not. Read. It. Yeah? Christ! Almost forgot: Music, music, music! You need music in the background! Major difference without it: have a video game system? Put in a game, go into options, turn off all music, then play the game. See my point?

I do have to get into the second issue, as I'm running low on space: as much as I would enjoy revising the entire narration. While you definitely are a step above the average artist, the shortcuts in drawing you took stick out like a sore thumb. Here is a few:
Most prominent in my mind: The recycled cityline and the big red circle that was supposed to be a helicopter. It is as if the helicoper is a great big stop sign, heralding me to lose interest. Find a picture of a helicopter and study it!
2.The clouds. They move too fast. Also maybe try adding a little more detail to them.
*Running out of review space*

Let me make this brief. I want my words to help you, not berate you. Let me tell you, you're one step above me, because I don't have the patience to see my ideas through. I get distracted, frustrated, when I can't do something right. I wish I had more space to go into more detail, if you are reading this, which you should be, I would be more than happy to go over it in depth via PM.

The-Void-Gate responds:

I'm glad to get a review that will help me get better. First I will just where were you when I was doing senses and lines lol. What you said will really help and If you have anything that you would like to point out or anything the you think will help in any way it will be appreciated.

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